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When people make decisions for you… and potentially fire you.

Here’s the exact e-mail chain from this morning between my boyfriend and I about today’s high blood pressure-inducing day at work entitled “The saga of march 26th” (all parties are in caps with descriptions to protect their identities):

ME:

So, believe it or not – I woke up in a fine mood this morning and early! (TRAINER* cancelled training) I left the house at 8:30, which is UNHEARD OF AND was one of the first people in the office at 8:40. I got my super “needs to be done before the bell” stuff, and some of IMMEDIATE BOSS’s stuff done before 9am even. IMMEDIATE BOSS came in around 8:55. Around 9:10 BIGGER BOSS sends a list of a ton of TRADES to trade but we thought that was taking place this Friday based on some reports that I made back in feb of this year and August of 2011. Instead of discussing this LAST WEEK with us, BIGGER BOSS decides to be a lunatic right before the bell ON A MONDAY, which in turn made IMMEDIATE BOSS frantic, and therefore I got dumped on. BIGGER BOSS started yelling at me to trade instead of saying please, etc and called me by the wrong name and I’ve been here almost 4 years… Then IMMEDIATE BOSS decided to check the reports that I did BACK IN FEBRUARY AND AUGUST (so how the hell am I supposed to remember the thought process for them without looking at them) to make sure that trading was ok for today. She kept asking me why I did things the way that I did and I said “I’m not sure but I can take a look” and instead of calming down she started screaming about how they’re wrong when they weren’t.

IMMEDIATE BOSS was then going through my reports and yelling at me about how they’re wrong etc. mind you, I have several copies of each report which are saved down for many reasons and it turns out she wasn’t even looking at the right reports. Also I told her one report was only done up until August. She yelled at me about how it doesn’t matter in the morning and then later yelled at me that it needs to be updated. Talk about Jekyll and Hyde.  I walked out of her office rolling my eyes and FRIENDLY COWORKER was walking towards me. Then she texted me saying that IMMEDIATE BOSS was making faces (like bitchy ones) behind my back and I was doing the same thing and asked if there was tension: to which I replied with “she’s an asshole and she can go fuck herself”

Then she’s been yelling at me about how the reports need to be organized if “someone wants to go in the folder and see them”. Mind you (again) NO ONE IS EVER IN THAT FOLDER BUT ME AND MY SYSTEM WORKS JUST FINE FOR ME. The problem this morning was that she wouldn’t even let me speak and she kept going on and on therefore she was stuck in the wrong version of the files. She’s still being snide and a shithead so I’m not speaking to her for the rest of the day unless absolutely necessary.

Fuck IMMEDIATE BOSS. Fuck “the right thing”. Fuck CRAPPY “LAND THAT TIME FORGOT” COMPANY. I’m done.

The end. 🙂

Sent from my iPhone

BOYFRIEND:

ROTFL!

You’re nicer than me. I would have had a shit fit in that office and started screaming at her. Like legit, screaming.

Then again, people generally don’t speak to me like that. I think that it has something to do with me being the size of a Gorilla and my never-back-down personality.

Anyway, the bottom line is:

1. If she has a spec. for reports, report file naming, and report organization she either needs to spec it out herself or ask you to write a FAQ and then understand that FAQ. Her failure to do this is not your problem. You are not a mind reader.

2. She needs to understand that acting that way in a crisis is what causes ships to sink, airplanes to hit mountains, and people to die. Calmness is key.

3. BIGGER BOSS needs to discuss his trades beforehand. You guys should have some sort of daily informal huddle, if only to get the right hand into the habit of talking to the left hand.

4. Your firm should hire me as a consultant to un-fuck it and help it better leverage the talents of its human resources. I’ve seen more organized monkeyshit fights at the zoo

THEN RANDOM, END OF DAY E-MAIL FROM ME TO BOYFRIEND:

God how I would love to punch him in the face. [REFERRING TO A BAYER REPRESENTATIVE]

IMMEDIATE BOSS just left. She sucks.

Sent from my iPhone

BOYFRIEND RESPONSE

Who, DOUCHEY BAYER REP?

It’s OK. Soon you won’t have to see IMMEDIATE BOSS anymore.

ME AGAIN

Yes I hate Bayer.

AND I just cried in the bathroom with FRIENDLY COWORKER… Oy

Sent from my iPhone

 

If you were able to follow that, God bless you. Long story short, two of my bosses (yes, I’m one of those people with multiple bosses) were frantic this morning trying to figure something out. Then based on my analysis that I did (one last month and one back in August), they were going to confirm everything. Instead of being calm, they did every last-minute and hectic like they always do and my immediate boss went berserk. She yelled at me and barked orders at me all morning long. She told my friendly coworker (who is a good friend of mine), who in turn told me at the end of the day, that I was giving her attitude this morning, which wasn’t the case at all. In fact, I was getting very nervous when talking to my immediate boss and I just tried to help, which she didn’t want to hear and got very nasty with me. I tried to locate the correct analysis file, but she eventually just took things over herself. Needless to say the day was a complete wash and I cried at the end in the bathroom on my coworker’s shoulder. I had a bunch of pent-up frustration from being yelled at by both my immediate boss and her superior that I just had to let it out.

The past week at this place has continued to cement my decision to immediately look for a job. I can’t be hellbent on “doing the right thing” when no one does the right thing for me, and even worse than that, treats me like a dog on top of that.

Tomorrow will be interesting. Perhaps my login and password won’t work and I’ll be fired. Who knows…

 

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Stuck at a crossroads.

I feel as though I’ve been stuck in the mud; spinning my wheels, trying to get out of a ditch with no luck. I hate complaining about it because I think back to when I was so depressed that I didn’t see the point in living this life anymore.

I’m not depressed now, I know that, but I feel somewhat indifferent, especially in the past few days and I’m not sure what’s worse. It seems as though I’m just going through the motions with no specific goal or purpose. Sure I have things that I’m working towards such as changing my body and the way that I take care of it, thinking of possibly getting my personal training certificate, and so on.

But on the other side of that, I’m not thrilled with my everyday life, especially my professional life. I used to be proud and happy to be working in my industry (and I’ve been in the investments industry for about six years now), but things have changed and I’ve seen the darker side of it – through the way the economy has blown up in the past few years in addition to things that have happened during my tenure at my current job (which I’ve had for four years already). I’ve never been this unhappy with it.

I wonder if it’s really my circumstances or my attitude. I’m really leaning toward this being an attitude problem. I’ve been in plenty of situations in my twnety six years of exsistence on this planet where they weren’t pretty, but I was able to put it all aside and enjoy life. I just haven’t been able to do this since 2010. As of right now, I have a bad attitude and that’s pretty clear. Certain members of my family and a few friends have taken notice of it and that kills me, because that’s not me. I’m usually pretty easy going, happy but it’s been hard to get to that point again. I don’t want to push people away because I’m so negative. I need to make a change.

I have to do a total attitude overhaul. My problem right now is that I’m going through a transitional point in my life. I’m thinking that I’ll probably move out of my parents house next year, my boyfriend and I have been dating for four years already (but there’s no timetable for marriage), and I have no idea as to what I want to do with my life. For whatever reason these and other potential events/ideas have been driving me up a wall. I feel as though I haven’t done enough and that I’m not where I should be professionally, socially, etc. It’s a strange feeling, I’ve never felt such pressure before in my life.

But instead of dealing with my feelings and just being happy for what I have and all that I’ve accomplished, I don’t take good care of myself, plus I harbor negativity and it sometimes comes out when I’m dealing with others at home, work, or in a social setting. I have a loving family and boyfriend, I have a handful of loyal, good friends, I have my MBA, and I have a good paying, stable job (not interested in the job function though). Yet it seems as though for now, it’s not enough and I’m not sure why. I sound like a spoiled brat and honestly, I feel as though that’s how I’ve been acting recently and I’m thoroughly disappointed with myself.

All I’ve been saying is that “I’m going to change, I’m going to change”, but I haven’t. I’m still wakling around with this chip on my shoulder at work, I’m complaining constantly to my family and friends, and I’m just not at peace. It’s a rough position to be in and at the end of the day, it’s 100% my fault.

So where do I go from here? For one thing, I feel like I have to be honest going forward. Perhaps that’s the first step. Limiting my time of Facebook was a good starting point for that; I had to admit to myself that as much as I “didn’t care” about what I was reading, I actually did care… a lot, too much even. With that said, I actually went on the website more than once this weekend. I did a lot of cleaning up on there, I unsubscribed to most of my friends’ posts, I subscribed to some great female fitness professionals to catch some of their articles and I even went a step further. I’m not sure if I’m going to delete the account or not, but for now, I’m just glad that it’s less toxic for me now. One interesting point that came from Friday’s “cleanse” is that I unfriended someone who’ve I’ve been relatively close to in recent years. I’ve had this friend, who hasn’t really treated me like a good friend would. She’s been dating this guy and has completely ignored me unless he’s not around. She’s been pissing me off for some time, yet I’ve been too afraid to cut her out of my life because I’m just generally afraid to lose friends. On Friday though, I decided to cut her, electronically speaking. Granted, that’s not enough and eventually I’ll have to say something to her in real life, but for me that was huge. I “unfriended” her because I couldn’t stand to read her posts that bragged about her awesome life that she so happily kept me out of for no reason. I had have enough and finally did what I should’ve done a long time ago.

There are a few things that need to be changed in my life right now. First and foremost I need to be honest about how I’ve been living. I’ll admit, I haven’t been taking great care of myself. It’s been nothing insanely bad, as in I don’t smoke or do drugs. I’m not much of a drinker either. But in terms of diet and exercise, I’m doing better, but I tend to make a lot of excuses for myself when my consistency comes into question. In addition, I don’t take good care of my appearance. I have to do my skin care regiment every day, not once every few days. I need to wash and take care of my hair more, even though it’s a pain because it’s so thick and frizzy. I need to portray a better appearance every day and take care of myself. Perhaps put on a little bit of makeup for work. Wear some more jewelry. Make sure that my clothes are ironed and not all wrinkled. I think me letting go of my appearance reflects a bigger problem and that’s my attitude and indifference towards life right now.

Another thing that needs to be addressed in my life is the “relationship garbage”. What I mean by that is all of the gossiping and poor treatment given to me and given by me. I’m not a saint. I’ve said and done some not-so-nice things and I know this. I need to change the way that I treat other people; instead of talking behind someone’s back, I need to talk and address my concerns directly to them. I also need to stop critizing and judging others’ actions and beliefs. People are going to do what they want to do and I am no one to judge.

In terms of the treatment that I receive, I need to stop lying to myself and let go of people who do not have my best interests at heart. I tend to keep people around because for whatever reason my brain associates “a healthy social life” with a larger quantity of friends rather than having quality friends. This is wrong and I know it but my thinking has clearly been so off that I’m not surprised. I’m not surprised that I’ve kept people in my life who only use me for favors, but when I need them they’re nowhere to be found. This needs to stop and I need to tell these people exactly how I feel instead of ignoring the problem and letting it fester in my head.

As you can see, I’m at a point in my life where things need to change. I can’t let this go on any longer. I can’t keep making excuses for not changing my every day life, not changing my thoughts, for not even trying. It’s been too long and I am tired of feeling so indifferent and negative, depending on the day.

Here’s hoping that tomorrow is truly a new day and I’m not just bullshitting.

 
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Posted by on February 12, 2012 in Changing My Situation, Communication, Life's Goals

 

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An estate piece and home alone anxiety.

The past three days have been weird to say the least. It all started on Wednesday when my mom and dad went shopping during the day (they’re teachers, so they’re off from school all week). My mom received tons of gifts from her students, one of which was a necklace from a jewelry store. She returned the necklace and decided to buy me something instead of herself, which was a nice gesture, but not necessary. She called me at work and told me that she had bought me something but didn’t tell me what. She went onto say that she dreamt about this object and had to buy it. When I got home later that night, she gave me a small jewelry box. I opened it up and inside was a brooch; an estate piece. It was dainty, made of white gold and it had a small sapphire in the middle. Honestly, it was beautiful, but I don’t own brooches, nor do I know how to where them properly. My mom waited in angst for my reaction and I guess it was less than expected. I thanked her, but I probably had my go-to puzzled look on my face, which isn’t very nice. Then I went on to tell her that I was concerned that I’d never wear it and it (plus her money) would go to waste. She told me to “do whatever I wanted with it” and walked away. Minutes later, we were in the living room and talking and she started crying. I asked her what was wrong and she insisted that she was worried about the cruise that her and my dad were going on today (I’ll get to that in a minute). Then yesterday morning I wakeup and my mom says “why is the pin on my dresser” in a nasty tone. Again, puzzled, I wondered why she was so mad. Then last night, we barely spoke and when we did, it was awkward, at least on my end. So I basically let loose on her, at first I told her calmly that I’m sorry if I offended her and that I thought I was doing the right thing by expressing my concerns. Then she pretty much dismissed me, so I got angry and raised my tone. My parents left for their 4 day cruise this morning and my mom still seems pretty awkward to me, so I’ll have to see what happens when they come back on Monday.

Now onto their vacation. I’m happy that they take trips, especially since when our family dog, Boomer, was in his later years they couldn’t travel much because he required constant care (he was very sick at the tail end of his life, we put him down on April 5, 2010). Since his passing, they’ve been travelling more and… my anxiety developed, peaked, and lingered between then and now. When my anxiety was at its worst and even as it got progressively better, I had a hard time when they took trips because of the agoraphobia that I developed as a result of my anxiety. I would fear being alone in the house without anyone to have close by “if” something happened (a big issue with anxiety is the “what if” scenario). I also feared being embarrassed if I called someone and asked for help, thinking that they’d think I’m a lunatic. Clearly, these were all irrational fears, especially since I lived and worked away from home while I was in college.

Anyway, today my parents left at 4:30am and I got a little nervous as I watched the taxi drive off with them and their friends in tow. I went back upstairs to my bedroom and tried to relax, go back to sleep. At first it was tough because I thought back to how badly I felt during their trips past with my anxiety, so I turned on Jersey Shore to distract me, which inevitably relaxed me and got me back to sleep (weird, right?). When I woke up later in the morning for work, I decided to think through my mild anxiety from earlier – I pinpointed my thoughts and realized that they’re really terrible thoughts. I never really looked at them and understood why I was so afraid sometimes, but once I became cognizant of them, it all made sense.

Here’s a list of my thoughts when I get anxious (I had all of these when it was really bad, now I only get a few of them):

– What if I can’t breathe?

– What if I choke?

– What if I get hurt and no one finds me for days?

– What if I need to call 911?

– Who in the neighborhood or surrounding area can I rely on for help?

When driving, my mind raced (sometimes mildly races) to these thoughts:

– Drive in a populated area in case you need help

– Where is the nearest hospital?

– Does this road have a shoulder (emergency lane)?

– What if I’m in the left-hand or middle lanes and I lose control of myself and subsequently the car?

When I look at these thoughts on paper, they’re astounding. I’ve never worried so much in my life than I have in the past almost 2 years. More importantly than that, I’ve been worrying over the worst case scenario during that time. At first I thought that writing these down would get me anxious today, but as I analyze them, it’s actually helped me because logically, my mind is saying “no, that’s not going to happen” and “you have plenty of people to call in case something does happen”. I used to never be like this, that’s what gets me, but I am almost 100% sure (there’s always that inkling of doubt) that this is hormonal, especially because I’m currently in the week before my period, also known in my life as PMS time. If you read through the PMS link, it explains:

“PMS may often be triggered by hormonal changes. It tends to begin at puberty, after pregnancy, after starting birth control pills, after hormone related surgery as hysterectomy or tubal ligation or around the onset of the menopause. In fact, it is not unusual for the PMS sufferer to confuse her symptoms with those of an early menopause.”

I never had PMS before I started on Yaz in March of 2008, which is used to treat PMS/PMDD and as a result of taking it for almost 3 years (ended it Sept 2010), I’ve had several doctors mention that it possibly gave me PMS, which I’m still dealing with today. I have to admit though, it’s gotten better and I’m getting more and more comfortable by myself as time goes on. I’ve been taking Women’s Menocaps (per my Naturopathic doctor) to restart my endocrine system, which was shut down by hormonal birth control. My naturopath also has me on larger doses of vitamins B & D, which were depleted by the pill.

All in all, I’m doing well so far up in New Jersey and I hope that it stays that way. My parents are in sunny Miami on a cruise ship that will be heading for the Bahamas.

Needless to say, I’m jealous of them.

 
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Posted by on December 30, 2011 in Family, Women's Health

 

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A little night anxiety.

I’m over 8 months off the pill – my “pill-versary”, as I call it, is April 7, 2011, so I hit 8 months exactly one week ago today. I have become more healthy by the day and I’m really feeling like myself again for the most part, which is great. My depression is gone, but my anxiety still lingers, although the rate at which it comes around has decreased over time since quitting hormonal birth control.

Anxiety reared its ugly head last night, but let me back-track for a minute. I just finished my period on Monday – it lasted four days, but wasn’t too bad, just uncomfortable at best. Fast-forward to yesterday, I haven’t been feeling good as I’ve had a cough and some congestion over the past 2 weeks, so I coworker/friend of mine and I went to Starbucks to go for a walk and grab something hot to drink. I decided to drink tea – black tea also known at Starbucks as AWAKE TEA. I should’ve known better, but I really needed something hot – although I could’ve asked for something decaf. In any case, the tea was huge and I drank the whole thing throughout the last few hours at work. By the time I left at 5pm, I felt kind of nauseous and I could feel parts of my body shake/tremble. Caffeine bothered me before I was on the pill – I would get trembling hands, higher heart rate, etc. But after I’ve been on the pill, I get all of those symptoms, plus anxiety. I really need to be more careful with caffeine, especially if I have to drive.

Anyway, last night I had a packed schedule – I had an appointment from 6-7, then I had to pickup a friend of mine and go Christmas shopping with her, and it turns out that I was out with her so late that I was able to stop by my boyfriend’s house for a rare weekday visit. Even though I’m happy to be busy and have things to do, this means that I also have a lot of driving to do and when I’m anxious, driving gets to be uncomfortable for me, especially when I’m alone. When my birth control reaction started, it started while I was driving; the one activity that always made me feel great and I loved it – whether it was alone, with people, in the day time, at night – I loved driving ever since I started at 16. It helped me to calm down when I was mad, it get me an outlet to sing at the top of my lungs, my car was kind of like a sanctuary for me. However, once I had my first panic attack on the highway at age 24, I’ve never looked at driving the same (although it has gotten somewhat better).

I didn’t leave my boyfriend’s house until about 12:45am this morning, which is obviously way too late, but I always have a hard time leaving him because I get so comfortable hanging out with him. He walked me to my car and then as he walked away, I sat in my car. All of a sudden these negative thoughts swarmed my mind. Thoughts such as “you’re going to have a panic attack on the bridge” (there’s only one bridge back to my house and it’s been such a sore spot for me to cross especially when my panic issue was really bad), “you’re going to need assistance” (this I think relates to the idea of being embarrassed by my anxiety), etc. I just sat in the car and thought to myself “why now? why are these irrational thoughts creeping into my head?” It was so weird; I haven’t had thoughts like that in a while, then I remembered the tea. As I started driving, I started worrying, anticipating my anxiety – this worry peaked as I crossed the bridge, but as I crossed, I was able to swallow and breathe with minimal discomfort. That helped me calm down and then my anxiety immediately dissipated.

http://stresshelp.tripod.com/id7.html

The above link gives more information on the connection between anxiety and caffeine.

I really need to be conscious of my own caffeine consumption.

 
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Posted by on December 14, 2011 in Women's Health

 

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My college roommate’s wedding.

Yesterday, two of my good friends from college got married (one of them was one of my roommates). I spent the most of the weekend out on Long Island for the festivities; the rehearsal dinner, the pre-wedding preparation, and the wedding itself. It was a great time – probably the most fun I’ve had in over a year!

Interestingly enough though, I had a bit of anxiety last night, especially before walking down the aisle (as a bridesmaid). The wedding ceremony took place at night outdoors, but I don’t think that is what sparked it.

I haven’t seen a few of the members in the bridal party (former friends from college who I haven’t spoken to in over 4 years) until this weekend. They remember me as a larger girl in college; I weighed close to 200 lbs. at my heaviest. Since college, I lost about 50 lbs and I look a lot different from when they knew me. Plus, my ex-boyfriend was in the bridal party and he acted pretty awkwardly around me over the weekend as well. I guess it was the pressure to look good in front of all of these people (not that anyone even cared); or at least the pressure that I applied to myself that got my anxiety revved up.

I got through the difficulty swallowing and the fast heartbeat in the middle of the  twenty-minute ceremony, but it wasn’t easy. I think what scared me the most was the idea of being embarrassed in front of the entire ceremony (what if I have a panic attack and ruin my friends’ wedding, what will people think of me, etc.) and in particular, the college acquaintances that I wanted to show-off to; I wanted to show them how good I look now after how they ditched me in college because I wasn’t “cool enough” or “pretty enough”. In reality, no one cared. I put way too much stock in their thoughts and it drove me to a physical reaction of anxiety. Although I had one of my former friends, who happens to be male, tell me how good I looked…

In any case, my point is that my reactions to anxiety still carry physical effects. Before my birth control mess, I would just be nervous. It’d stay in my head and I wouldn’t notice it otherwise. Now if I get nervous, I have to work to calm myself down because of the physical sensations that I experience. I wish that they wouldn’t occur, but I’m working on dealing with them and eventually stopping these reactions all together. As I continue to heal my body and my endocrine system, I’m going to have to work through my physical anxiety.

I’m coming up on six months off of the pill and I can’t wait until the day where I won’t have to worry about this anymore.

 
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Posted by on September 25, 2011 in Changing My Situation, Life's Goals

 

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Did anyone ever tell you, you look like a penis with that little hat on?

I play women’s slow-pitch softball during the summer, or at least this is the first summer I’ve ever played women’s slow-pitch softball. After college, I started working full-time (been working since) and I played outdoor volleyball for two summers, then I took a few MBA courses the following two summers, and this year I decided to switch it up AGAIN. I had to pick something that would make me active again, so what better than I sport where I stand around and hope I ball comes to me? Well, tonight while playing shortstop and missing three (Yes, THREE) ground balls, I was hoping the ball wouldn’t come to me. I had a rather embarrassing game and we got mercy rule AGAIN (third or fourth game in a row). Fun.

Since I’m being RIDICULOUSLY productive with this blog tonight, I figure that I can explain my “life-altering experience” from my previous post.

Let’s start from the beginning. I started dating my boyfriend back in February 2008 when I was 22. Thinking that I was being responsible, I went to my gyno and decided to go on the birth control pill, Yaz. The first year I was on it, I was fine and was praising those little hormone-filled pills. Then the second year on it, I became more emotional than normal, hysterical crying (I was NEVER a stage-five crier) about many events, most of which had nothing to do with me or my family. By April 2010, I started having bad panic attacks (never had a history of anxiety or depression) especially while driving, which included difficulty swallowing, sweating, tingling arms/hands, crying, and hyperventilating (did I mention I was DRIVING when this occurred?). Come the summer of 2010, I started having panic attacks everywhere, at home, the office, in my car, in class; you name it, I’ve christened it with my crazies! By September, I was taking three MBA courses on top of working and not only was I having panic attacks, I was now severely depressed, to a point where I did have suicidal thoughts. I had no idea how I became this sensitive, scared woman.

That September I accidentally stumbled upon a website explaining how the hormones in birth control can cause depression and anxiety in women. Now I have heard of depression being a symptom, I’ve even seen it on the packaging, but I never thought that would’ve happened to me. I also came across tons of websites that had so many negative reviews for Yaz, including the Yasmin Survivors and Aphrodite Women’s Health Forum. I joined these sites and became an active member of each one, asking other women from across the globe for advice. I wanted a reliable birth control (as I’d rather not be with-child right now), but I didn’t want these horrible effects. I met with my gyno and I switched to Levora (generic of Levlen), which she advised to stay on for six months. Once I got off of Yaz, my anxiety and depression subsided a little bit, but I was still getting panic attacks and numb to everyone and everything in my life. I got through the holidays and started 2011 by deciding to change my gyno. I explained my recent history with this new doctor in March and she switched me to Zovia (generic of Demulen), which she explained was her “go to drug”. I stayed on this for a month, but I was so fed up with not feeling like myself that in April I decided to stop taking hormonal birth control all together with (after I consulted my boyfriend, *who might I add was very supportive of this and throughout this ordeal, of course because that’s something he should know).

I’ve been three months off of hormonal birth control since April 7th, 2011; BEST DECISION EVER. I started on a list of vitamins including Stress B Complex, Magnesium, Vitamin D, and Flax Seed Oil as well to help myself along. Since then, I’ve been feeling more like myself but I’m still not 100%. I have random spats near my period where I tend to cry and have obsessive thoughts (about my relationship, my friends, family, neighbors, you name it), but other than that, driving is much better, I haven’t had a panic attack in months, and I’m not depressed. I do understand that this reaction does not occur in all women, so I’m not going to sit here and be preachy about the horrors of synthetic hormones. But this happened to me; it’s not a joke and it’s not fake. My only advice is to please do your research with hormonal birth control (pill, ring, patch, shot, IUD, etc.). Do not dismiss any noticeable changes that you see in yourself. Make sure that you do what’s best yourself and go see your doctor.

Before I went on the pill, I was a carefree, happy woman who could entertain herself with silly little things. I was completely confident in myself. Now, my confidence is shaken, but on its way back to normal. I’m having an easier time spending time alone with myself and finding pleasure in the little things like I used to. I’m still a work in progress, but I’m starting to see the light in the end of the tunnel.

I have faith that I’ll be 100% again, perhaps even better.

 
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Posted by on July 11, 2011 in Health Scare

 

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