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Tag Archives: Grateful

The lessening of Facebook withdrawal symptoms.

Sad to say, but I have had some withdrawal from Facebook this week. I haven’t looked at the website since last Friday with the exception of sending a message to a friend of mine and my boyfriend’s who is currently serving in the U.S. Army overseas in Afghanistan. But I haven’t seen others’ photos, status’, nothing for almost a week and needless to say it’s been an overall good experience. However, I still think about what I may be missing, but those thoughts have decreased throughout the week, which is a plus.

When I start to wonder about what I’m “missing out on”, I bring myself back to Earth and realize how much more time that I have to LIVE MY LIFE. My REAL life. You don’t realize how much time you waste on social media until you cut it out of your routine.

With this newfound free time, I’ve been visiting and reading so many wonderful blogs that I’ve found or who’ve found me on WordPress. I’ve been able to devote much more time to this blog and my fitness blog, 6 in Six. I’ve been catching up on the news and communicating more with my friends and family via traditional means (the phone, face to face, etc.).

I’ve been devoting more time to thinking about my life; i.e. what are my passions, what would I like to explore and possibly pursue both personally and professionally, etc. Granted, self-exploration hasn’t been a pleasant experience for me as it’s made me frustrated and downright depressed in the past few days, but it’s productive. It’s better than staring at my computer screen reading Facebook statuses about people who “love their lives and their jobs” or how “everything is perfect”. Because then I’m just sitting there, not being productive and probably more envious/jealous/depressed/angry than I am today. Let’s be honest, if you have to say it out loud, it’s possible that it’s not exactly true. I believe that there are people on Facebook who like to play the impression management game; they show everyone their wonderful lives, but in reality, things aren’t what they seem. Regardless of the truth, the impression or image that they reflect affects the viewer (in this case me). Even if I know something is not true, sometimes I have a hard time separating the truth from the lies, I believe what I see, and then I get anxious or depressed about how my own life doesn’t even compare. Then again, there are genuinely happy people on there, people who are like the way I used to be. Trust me, I’m happy for people who are fulfilled and pleased with their lives – more power to them. I aspire to be there myself one day, but if I ever get there again, I will NEVER brag about it, especially on a social media website. I was fully appreciative of my happiness when I had it; it was sacred to me because it made me feel genuinely good. I haven’t felt genuinely good for a long period of time in almost 2 years. Granted, things have gotten a lot better for me – I have little spurts of happiness here and there, so at least I’m grateful for that. But I still have a lot of work to do; I need to get out of “going through the motions” and really try to live a meaningful, fulfilling life.

Ever since I developed anxiety and depression in early 2010, I’ve valued happiness so much more, which is what keeps me fighting to find it again. When I was happy, I never took it for granted because I knew (and still know) others who have suffered from anxiety and depression. I never understood these conditions, I always thought that they should be easy to pull out of, but the reality of the situation is that they’re not. They require effort and lots of it.

I believe that by cutting out Facebook, I’m just putting more effort into improving my life. I’ve come this far (6 days) without the site at all. I’m seriously wondering if I should even go on it once per week anymore as my plans to not look at the Newsfeed or take a few days off haven’t worked out well. I’m over the general anxiety phase that I had on Saturday and Sunday where I wanted to look at the site so badly and didn’t know what to do with myself.

Why would I want to relive that start all over?

Maybe I’ll see how long I can holdout for and if I’m feeling brave enough and ready, perhaps I’ll finally delete my account.

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Posted by on February 2, 2012 in Changing My Situation, Facebook Rants

 

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A new light.

I had my review at work yesterday and I have to say, I was pleasantly surprised. I received a 17% increase in salary for 2012, I’m getting a great bonus the first week of January, and I am also getting a small “discretionary” bonus next friday for Christmas shopping. I was shocked to say the least, but very happy that my employer is really coming through for me, especially in this economy. I finally feel valued by the company and that’s huge considering how I’ve been feeling the past few years here. I’m very grateful for this change in events, I really couldn’t ask for more.

Even though I had my problems (which have improved tremendously) this year with my mental health, this year has turned out to be a great year for me with my Nonna paying my debt, graduating with my MBA, getting some interviews and an offer and now all of this. 2010 (when my anxiety and depression started) was the worst year of my life. I felt as though I was dead; as if I had lost a year of my life. I was numb, scared and just plain sad. Here I am a year later and now I have hope for my future. I know that I still have mild anxiety and self-confidence issues to overcome, but I feel like I can face them head on now; like I have a chance to beat them.

 
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Posted by on December 16, 2011 in Changing My Situation

 

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The day I never thought would come.

My school loan is officially paid off, but not by me. The remaining $35,000USD (on an original $80,000 loan) was paid off this morning by my nonna (my Italian grandmother). I called her and immediately thanked her profusely. It was supposed to be a surprise that she apparently wanted to reveal to me on HER birthday (I know, strange), but according to her, she “couldn’t keep her fucking mouth shut.” (Her best English is her cursing)

I was stunned. My mom broke this news to me as I sat in my cube at work. I started to cry hysterically, which was a little embarrassing, but at this point, I could care less. My nonna single-handedly saved my life. She has freed me from the restrictions of this loan and I’m absolutely grateful for it. I called her to thank her, but I’ll never be able to pay her back with the same generosity. She has one of the most admirable attitudes I’ve ever seen; she came from nothing in Italy and came to America where she made something of herself. Her spirit is beyond amazing. It makes me mad at myself sometimes because I’ve been blessed, even spoiled, in my life – and this instance is just another example! I should be helping her, not the other way around.

I was reading Psychology Today and came across the article Preparing for Thanksgiving… And a Healthy, Happier You

Oddly enough, this article mentions using a gratitude journal to write down three things that you’re grateful for each day. What a day to read such a thing!

Today I’m grateful for:

1. My nonna for paying off my loan and her unconditional love towards me

2. My parents for their kind words, encouragement, and the ideas that they gave to me today

3. My life – I’ve been blessed in countless ways and even though it hasn’t always been smooth sailing, it’s been a trip. I’ve learned a lot so far and I’m glad that I can seriously appreciate this awesome surprise that I received today.

What are you grateful for today?

 
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Posted by on November 14, 2011 in Changing My Situation, Family

 

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